Happy Chinese New Year!

And while we’re at it Happy Ground Hog Day!

So far this winter….

Phil wonders what all the fuss is about, but he's grateful that at least he gets outside once a year!

…the only good news that I’ve heard has been that Punxsutawney Phil did NOT see his shadow – promising the possibility of an early Spring.

That does not, however, mean that the Vernal Equinox shifts from the established date of March 21.  It just means we may be in for more Spring-like conditions prior to that date.

But, if Spring plans to be anything like our previous Summer and our current Winter, then we had best be prepared for massive floods, thunderstorms, tornadoes, hail storms and unregulated thermal terrorism.

That’s right…I said TERRORISM.

What…you don’t think that WEATHER plays a vital part in the Planet’s Psyche?  Or that WEATHER may be – at least in some small part – to blame for some of mankind’s more recent emotional extremes?

Perhaps, you are among those who believe that these extremes in our Weather Patterns have always been with us and that it’s simply the amount of Media Coverage which has changed over the years.

That is certainly a fair assumption….albeit an inaccurate one.

The U.S. Weather Service was established in 1870 and by the 1880’s weather data was being collected so that forecasting of climate trends could be assimilated and sent out via telegraph.

But as early as the 1840’s weather forecasting was becoming a science. Francis Beaufort (creator of the Beaufort scale) and Robert Fitzroy (developer of the Fitzroy barometer) were influential in British naval and governmental circles, and though ridiculed in the press for their “weather forecasting science”, their work eventually gained credence and their efforts became the very foundation for all of today’s weather forecasting knowledge.

Last year, the US Weather Service was chronicling 2010 as possibly the Warmest Year for the United States on Record.  More and more often Climatologists are now reasserting their stance on the value of global warming as a man-made rather than natural phenomena.

While many people continue to blame our extreme weather on the alternating 7 year visitations of El Nino and his sister weather condition La Nina, that does not completely explain the dangerous climate extremes we have witnessed in recent years.

Already in 2011, we have seen the US suffer one massive unprecedented snow “Storm of the Century” after another (count ’em – 6 so far).  Australia has been terrorized by a summer swamped with killer-floods and Cyclone Yasi – which was 5 times the size of Hurricane Katrina.  For Heaven’s Sake just look at the conditions we’ll have on tap for the freaking Super Bowl!

We can surmise, without too much stretching of our collective imaginations, that something is to blame.

Even if we exclaim “It’s Global Warming!” that is still much too general.

We need to be much more specific.  We need to hone in on the true aspect of Weather Terrorism.

Should we blame the weather extremes on the methane gas from cows?  Blame it on the automobile and oil industries?  How about the Chinese?

That’s where Valet Boy is putting his currency – After all the Chinese attempted to control their weather during the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing.  Who’s to say they have not extrapolated their skills and efforts to encompass a global reach?

I mean they have their little yellow fingers in everything else don’t they?

In 2008, China’s population was estimated to be 1.31 BILLION people.

Their unemployment rate is about 4.20%.

"Man, I wish I was anything but a rabbit this year."

That’s still gives us about 1,250,000,000 people sweating, farting, burping and driving all at the same time.  If you add their methane producing cows into the mix, Dear Lord the scales tip exponentially.  And throw in the fact that, apart from Texas, they are the largest producer of dangerous sulphuric emissions from Coal.

Plus, let us not forget that currently all 1.31 BILLION of these people are celebrating the Chinese New Year.  The Year of the Rabbit.

That’s a butt load of partying and gaseous expulsions.

So, if you want to blame someone for our freaky weather…Join Valet Boy in his persecution of the Yellow Weather Menace!

Thanks for reading,

Valet Boy

PS:  In case you are taking any of this seriously….Please don’t.


About Valet Boy

Valet Boy has risen from the graveyard of forgotten blogs as an occasional hump day publication! Yes, once again Valet Boy will drag his zombie like corpse out into the rarefied faux-literary air populated by lonely but hopeful pseudo-authors with nothing better to do with all their free time than sit on their fat fannies in front of computer screens going blind....or turning Japanese...or both Anyway, thanks for stopping by!
This entry was posted in Funny Stuff, Humor and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to GUNG HAY FAT CHOY

  1. Michael Gladstone says:

    Not that I want to mind you;
    but would giving up eating Chinese Food be of any help?

  2. Aunt Bea says:

    Take it seriously? Didn’t it come from your fingers. Although I must admit to contributing my share of gas.

  3. Leatherwing says:

    I think that we’re actually in a mini Ice Age and the only thing keeping glaciers out of Kansas is soccer moms in SUVs, the unsung heroines of the War on Weather Terror!

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